Hey Punxsatawney Phil...I'm on to you. You think you're so special and so cute...I know who you really are. You are a fame whore. All you want is attention. Well P.P. you got it. Are you happy? Can you just shut up now and let us live our lives? Of course not...you''ll be back next year, and the year after that, and the year after that...according to your website you could be doing this forever thanks to that magical juice they feed you every summer during your picnic.
I imagine that before you came along Gobblers Knob was just an ordinary sleepy little town. But then you decided that you needed to shake things up and create a holiday out of thin air. Not only is it a ridiculous holiday, but how is anyone supposed to keep all of the rules you have made up straight? Sure, the guys who wear the top hats and guard you probably know the rules, but come on, they are wearing top hats!
I am going to break this crazy holiday down for everyone...
GROUNDHOG'S DAY
* If Phil sees his shadow, we will supposedly have 6 more weeks of winter. If he doesn't the clouds will part, the sun will shine and we can all put on flip flops.
*Phil has an Inner Circle (the guys with top hats). Once Phil has made his prediction he tells it to the president of his inner circle in Groundhogese. This president is (of course) able to translate the prediction and let the whole world know what a couple of squeaks and grunts mean.
*Apparently Phil is the only Groundhog that can predict winter's fate. According to his website (www.groundhog.org) all others are imposters.
Oh look, here you are with your inner circle top hat wearing friend!
Well Phil, that about does it for me. You and your crazy made-up holiday can go back into hibernation for the next 6 weeks. Have fun at your picnic over there in Gobblers Knob. Jerk.
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