To worm or not to worm...is it a question??

I can get a tapeworm for the low price of $1,299.  This seems like a bargain considering other, more invasive weight-loss options cost many thousands of dollars.  Working out?  Forget it!!  Dieting??  A thing of the past!!  All I have to do is swallow my new friend and he will do all the work for me!  The website does stipulate that my buddy can't do all the work, I still have to maintain a healthy diet, and exercise can increase the weight loss, but all the same, this seems like a pretty good deal. 

Yes, I know there could be some side-effects, diarreah, vomiting, my little pet peeking out every once in a while.  I read the label!  But, my biggest concern is how to know if the critter is a male or a female!!  I mean, how else will I know what to name him/her??  I guess I could go with one of those Pat-type names...Frankie, Billy, Erin/Aaron. 

In other health news, Casey and I are going all new-aged on you.  We got these bracelets that have magnets in them.  They are supposed to help with headaches, sleepless nights and joint pain.  I've been wearing it for about a day now and I think it might be working...either that or I'm getting the placebo effect!  I just hope all of these dang magnets don't interfere with Wormy the wonder worm!