Am I in a sweat lodge? Did I just hallucinate...no, Casey really did just do that.

I found an even better way of losing weight in stead of spending $1,300 on a tapeworm. (Although this idea is just put on hold, not forgotten). The concept of this idea is totally simple and will not cost nearly as much. (Hopefully). All you have to do is aquire strep throat. Then, voila!! You get sick and lose weight by sweating it all out! Trust me, this works. I know from experience. I have been sweating profusely for the last 12 hours and have had tochange my clothes twice, change the sheets on my bed once and had to lay a cool washcloth on my forehead only for it to become instantly hot and sweaty itself.

It all starting Wednesday when I woke up unable to swallow properly. I had a split shift at work and decided that I was not sick and went in to work that morning. When I came home I knew something was wrong. I was dizzy and sweaty and freezing, so I took a nap. Upon waking up, I felt like major ass and took my temperature. I had an amazing fever. So, I called in to work and decided that I might need to see a doctor about my predicament.

The nice lady at Health Partners told me that every clinic near me was full up for the day so I had to go to urgent care. Awesome. Since I was all dizzy and feverish I called my mom to see if she would come and get me and take me to urgent care. The conversation went a little something like this:

Me: Mom, I have a fever, it's 101.7. I feel really dizzy and I'm having a hard time swallowing. I'm also aching all over. Can you take me to urgent care? They open at one.

Mom: I don't know, I have a lot to do today. Can't you just sleep it off? I'm in the middle of planting some plants and if I take you my day will be ruined. Besides, you probably just have the flu!

Me: Mom, please, I don't think it's the flu, WebMD says it's either strep throat, diabetes 2, or leukemia.

Mom: Well, you've never had strep throat in your life!! It's surely the flu. I bet -

Me: MOM!!! Take me or I'm calling dad!!!

Mom: Stop being so over-dramatic, let me finish planting this plant and I'll be over.

About 2 hours later my mom showed up. She took me to urgent care where they did a strep test and, it came up positive. I felt vindicated! Finally I was right!! I went out to tell my mom of the diagnosis.

Me: Guess who has strep throat!!!
Mom: That's not possible. You have never had strep before. Did you tell the doctor that? Does he know that you have never had that before in your life? It's not possible!!
Me: Calm down, let's just go get me my meds.
Mom: This is unbelievable, you've never had strep. Are you sure he said strep?

We finally got to the pharmacy and got me my meds, which cost exactly $6.66 (I should have seen this as an omen). I called my boss and told her I was infectious for the next 24 hours and that I couldn't go into work the next day and went home to recover. All was going well until I starting taking ibuprofen for the pain in my throat. It works miracles, but apartently when you have an infection and you take ibuprofen you start profusely sweating and can't stop. I bet I've lost a good amount of weight just sitting here sweating! I've sweat in places I didn't even know could sweat. My legs and arms have been dripping. I've had to ring out shirts. My pillowcase will never be the same. It's nasty. Later on today I will weigh myself. If I don't feel like I have lost enough weight, I might get strep again next week.

To worm or not to worm...is it a question??

I can get a tapeworm for the low price of $1,299.  This seems like a bargain considering other, more invasive weight-loss options cost many thousands of dollars.  Working out?  Forget it!!  Dieting??  A thing of the past!!  All I have to do is swallow my new friend and he will do all the work for me!  The website does stipulate that my buddy can't do all the work, I still have to maintain a healthy diet, and exercise can increase the weight loss, but all the same, this seems like a pretty good deal. 

Yes, I know there could be some side-effects, diarreah, vomiting, my little pet peeking out every once in a while.  I read the label!  But, my biggest concern is how to know if the critter is a male or a female!!  I mean, how else will I know what to name him/her??  I guess I could go with one of those Pat-type names...Frankie, Billy, Erin/Aaron. 

In other health news, Casey and I are going all new-aged on you.  We got these bracelets that have magnets in them.  They are supposed to help with headaches, sleepless nights and joint pain.  I've been wearing it for about a day now and I think it might be working...either that or I'm getting the placebo effect!  I just hope all of these dang magnets don't interfere with Wormy the wonder worm!

Being so lazy can make me so tired!!

This past week Sarah and I have been super busy.  We have found that Cascade Bay will be our home away from home this summer.  We first went last Sunday and were instantly hooked.  They have an awesome set-up which includes a lazy river.  Basically we go, stake out our seats, slather tanning lotion on our bodies and alternate between sleeping in the lazy river and sleeping in our lounge chairs.  It's awesome.  We bought the season passes so we could go anytime we wanted, and I have never looked back.  We are already significantly tanner than we were before, it's awesome! 
Being this lazy does have its downside though.  After a day of sleeping and sun-bathing, we come home exhausted.  Still, I am willing to sacrifice a little in the name of summer and tanning.  This is gonna be the best summer EVER!!